The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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