I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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