Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
