Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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