I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
