LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
