I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize