Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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