i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
