Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
