Will you blow on my dice?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
