I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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