I accidentally had phone sex last night
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
