thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize