how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
