all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't deserve a penis
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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