Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
