I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
