I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Someone shit on the floor
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
