woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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