I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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