Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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