is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She even gives head with a lisp.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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