I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How does one acquire holy water?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
