I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
