sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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