i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
