Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
