Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
