This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
