So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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