His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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