dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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