just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to be your penis for a week.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
