Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
