yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
