As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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