What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
