We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
