Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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