i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
