I want to make a zoo with you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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