i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
