btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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