butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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