Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
