Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
