he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Someone signed my nipple.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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