good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
