he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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