We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
