apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
