2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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