What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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