he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
