When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
