bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
