My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
