Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
