so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
