you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
