my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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