Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i would one night stand the shit outta him
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
