You can't special order awesome
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
