I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
