Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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