My hand turned me down
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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